Written by Amelia
My mom and I have a great relationship. We don’t really disagree about much except the facts that I don’t really go to church, and I don’t really want to have children. Even when we disagree, it’s very lighthearted.
And don’t feel bad for her because she doesn’t have grandchildren. I’m one of four girls; she’ll have grandchildren eventually.
This is a recent conversation between the two of us before I left my parents’ house to drive an hour to my house:
Me: I’m thirsty. Do you have a bottle of water inside?
Mom: No. I have a nice, cool glass of ice water, though.
Me: Fine, I’ll come in and have an ice water.
Mom: Won’t you have to pee the whole drive, then?
Me: No. I don’t have a quadruple postpartum bladder like you.
Mom: Oh, but babies are so worth it.
Mom: Besides, if you don’t have children, you’re unevolved.
Me: Mom, I hate it when you say that. It’s so rude.
Mom: It’s true! You don’t evolve if you don’t have children.
Me: I disagree. I think I’m more evolved. You breeders are hardwired to love and protect your own children over anyone and anything else. I’m not like that. I love all of God’s children and creatures equally.
Mom: *exasperated sigh*
I totally won that round.