Unevolved

Written by Amelia

My mom and I have a great relationship. We don’t really disagree about much except the facts that I don’t really go to church, and I don’t really want to have children. Even when we disagree, it’s very lighthearted.

And don’t feel bad for her because she doesn’t have grandchildren. I’m one of four girls; she’ll have grandchildren eventually.

This is a recent conversation between the two of us before I left my parents’ house to drive an hour to my house:

Me: I’m thirsty. Do you have a bottle of water inside?

Mom: No. I have a nice, cool glass of ice water, though.

Me: Fine, I’ll come in and have an ice water.

Mom: Won’t you have to pee the whole drive, then?

Me: No. I don’t have a quadruple postpartum bladder like you.

Mom: Oh, but babies are so worth it. 

Me: Gross.

Mom: Besides, if you don’t have children, you’re unevolved.

Me: Mom, I hate it when you say that. It’s so rude.

Mom: It’s true! You don’t evolve if you don’t have children.

Me: I disagree. I think I’m more evolved. You breeders are hardwired to love and protect your own children over anyone and anything else. I’m not like that. I love all of God’s children and creatures equally.

Mom: *exasperated sigh*

I totally won that round.

10 comments for “Unevolved

  1. September 19, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I’m trying to think of the evolution I’ve undergone now that I am a parent–heightened senses, cat-like reflexes, the ability to silence screaming children with a mere shift in my expression, the ability to function on far fewer hours of sleep than should be humanly possible. I think I might be a superhero by some standards.

  2. September 19, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Hahaha… I’d rather sleep 8 hours a night and stay my unevolved self.

    • September 19, 2012 at 7:55 am

      Right now, at 7:54, which still feels like an ungodly hour, I don’t blame you.

      • September 19, 2012 at 7:55 am

        But what about the face thing, Amelia? That’s pretty impressive, right?

  3. September 19, 2012 at 8:17 am

    I’ll give you that one lady. Impressive. 🙂

  4. Cathy
    September 19, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Amelia, I love that this whole conversation “evolved” from a request for water! Talk about basic needs!
    Are you gearing up for round 2?

  5. September 19, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Always, Gigi! 🙂

  6. roseriley
    September 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

    re: the bladder comment- Forget the bladder! Definitely appreciate sleep, sewing/creating whenever and wherever you want and, let’s not forget, your “unevolved” boobs, abdomen and thighs!
    (although I can’t agree with you about not wanting kids, I can fully appreciate some of the “fringe benefits”!)

  7. September 19, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I’m especially happy to keep my free, unevolved schedule and my unevolved boobs! AND my fast, little two door unevolved car!

  8. Mea
    September 19, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    So clever!! 🙂

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