Ultrasounds, Carousels and Inside Jokes

Written by Emily

My sister-in-law invited me to her 3D ultrasound last week. For at least 20 minutes the little guy was folded completely in half with his arms and legs covering his face entirely.

We waited.

Who was going to be in there? Would we see my brother? Would we see my sister-in-law? If we squinted and looked at him just so would we see our grandfathers?

My sister-in-law drank some juice.

We waited.

***

A few weeks ago at a family gathering, my aunt poured a bag of old pictures onto the dining room table. Wrinkled hands, crooked fingers, pudgy dimpled knuckles all grabbed for the mountain of memories. We giggled and cringed at hairstyles gone wrong and shirt/short combos that matched in the worst possible way.

Years flipped through our fingers.

Hair was big: curly, teased, feathered, windblown. Skin was various shades of scorched: pink, red, steamed lobster, charred. Sizes and shapes shifted. I shuddered at pictures of my pregnant self: a bulbous mound of taut flesh affixed to tree-trunk thighs.

Aunts, uncles, my parents, cousins, my children, we studied the pictures, remembered our stories hidden in them and passed them on. In and out of manicures and raw cuticles, the photos moved in a carousel of memories.

I paused at a profile I thought was Chloe’s.

Cocoprofile

It was someone else. It could have been me. It could have been several of us in those cheeks and chin, that nose. It happened two more times. I saw Chloe in someone else’s smile.

Sylvie yelled, “Bud!” (Noah) and pointed to a picture of my brother when he was a little boy digging in the sand. I saw it, too.

noahG

Noah was in there.

At one point my brother narrated the images for my grandmother, who squinted and tried to piece the faces together. He called out names one by one, so her memory could fill in the details her eyes used to see.

Watching and listening to all of it unfold was like reading an old anatomy book with translucent pages: one layer the skeleton, one layer the vascular system, one layer the vital organs. The intricacies of a human are lost unless all the layers are resting one on top of the next. Our stories came in shouts, whispers, chuckles–layer upon layer–the intricacies of a family.

I’ll remember it forever, that carousel.

***

Finally, the little rotter unfolded long enough for us to catch a glimpse of his already perfect face.

“I see ______________”

“I see ______________”

We smiled and nodded and squinted, trying to see our family’s watermark on this newly minted generation, hoping we’d be forever connected by the curve of our noses or the size of our foreheads.

***

It occurred to me, though, as we passed pictures and reminisced, that more important than the physical likeness–the eyes or the hair or the path of our freckles–we’ll be connected by our stories, our memories, time spent.

sylviegirl

In one afternoon, my littles were part of a spontaneous retelling of who we used to be; they got a glimpse of where we’d been. They’ll be part of where we go.

Sprinkled in among the laughter, the laughter itself even, were the bits and pieces of our family, the stuff of remember whens and inside jokes, the stuff that makes us feel part of something. The stuff that really matters. The stories.

11 comments for “Ultrasounds, Carousels and Inside Jokes

  1. Wha
    August 22, 2013 at 6:44 am

    I love looking through old photos with families and friends. Awwwh, the memories! Love this post, Em.

    • August 22, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      Thanks so much, Wha! And thank you for commenting!

  2. Michelle
    August 22, 2013 at 7:28 am

    Love seeing my family members in my kids and nieces and nephews smiles. Loved reading this! So true.

    • August 22, 2013 at 4:45 pm

      I see you family in all of your little ones! So beautiful!

  3. August 22, 2013 at 9:38 am

    Beautiful Em!

  4. August 22, 2013 at 11:32 am

    This post just filled my heart! It is so spot on and those spontaneous moments make for the best memories! There are times where I’ve looked through old photos and have to stop and think – is that me? Was that my sister? Or, the best was many years ago when my brother was little we were at our great-grandparents house and he walked by a photo on the wall and he goes “Kate, I didn’t know you had been married.” I hadn’t – it was a picture of our mom!

  5. Kathleen Gallo
    August 22, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Emily, this is wonderful! How I love to look at pictures, and see the “fam’ly” traits go on through the generations! Amazing and such a joy to our hearts!!

  6. Emily W.
    August 22, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    Just beautiful. And, depending on the moment, I see different relatives’ attributes shine through our children, physical and other. It’s amazing.

  7. August 22, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    We have NO IDEA who are blonde haired, blue eyed son looks like. But the mailman is black. Phew! *wipes brow.*

  8. Catherine Pasierb
    August 26, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    Emily, Aunt Linda read this post out loud at the family gathering on Sunday. Everyone appreciated the beautiful sentiment and your ability to evoke such wonderful memories. Aunt Paula said she’s read it several times! You are touching so many hearts!

    • August 26, 2013 at 7:47 pm

      Well that is truly awesome! Thanks for telling me, mom 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *