There’s a Sucker Born

Written by Emily

There’s a sucker born every minute. It’s true. I’m one of those suckers, so I know. I mentioned before that solicitors have my name and address listed under “easy money.”

The painful truth is that when I was a high school teacher, I taught my students all about persuasion. I did entire units on the topic. We analyzed arguments and dissected advertisements. I know this stuff. I see through all of the tactics salesmen and women use, but I still bite because, well, I’m a sucker.

But I’m not alone…

A friend asked me if I bought anything on our anniversary trip to Key West. “Nah,” I replied too embarrassed to tell her the truth.

It happened like this:

“Hey, Miss America!”

Naturally I turned around to see her. Oh, he was talking to me. Ridiculously transparent. Like a magician’s slight of hand, he put a sample in my palm. Don’t need it. Be strong, Emily. And then I found myself sitting in a lovely leather chair in a salon that’s nothing more than an upgraded mall kiosk. Crap.

But I had my man with me this time. There’s power in numbers. And we could totally take this little man with an adorable accent and an unbelievable knowledge of my every skincare dilemma.

It was so innocent at first. 

“I see you have sensitive skin.” I do. I do have sensitive skin!

And then he was rubbing a grainy gel on my forearm. Kind of gross.

As he wiped it away, he asked, “What’s this?” Layers of the product and probably dead skin peeled away. Gross.

I don’t know, I shrugged.

“Oh you dirty girl.”

Hahahaha.

Wait is calling me dirty?! To my face?! I showered more in Key West than I had for the last month when I was home with my children.

He laughed and turned to my man, “I kid. I kid.”

He then proceeded to massage my arm with moisturizer. It was nice…my skin.

I looked at the price of this miracle exfoliant. OUTRAGEOUS. I laughed. I did. I turned to my husband and gave him the “get me out of here” look.

Apparently this salesman had seen that look before.

“Your problem areas? Gone in a week,” he promised staring directly at the pimple on my forehead. Of course it will be gone in a week, my period was coming and this is my happy reminder.

He asked my man to feel my skin. It was remarkably soft.

Line cast.

linecast

Bait dancing in the water. Was that a nod from my hubs?

The salesman proceeded to reel us in like an expert angler. Face-to-face with this little devil, even my boo was a goner.

“How old?” the skin care expert asked me.

Never ask a woman her age, I thought and huffed in mock insult. “33,” I said out loud.

You don’t look a day over 40 said his face. Whaaa?

Then he turned to my main squeeze – “and I throw this in for you for free.” Reeling. Reeling.

reel

 

Did he motion to my husband’s eye area? Crows feet? Seriously? I had to giggle.

We were going to be so out of there.

And then he turned to me: “Try. Come in tomorrow we work on eyes.”

Ouch. He should see my dark eye circles after a week at home. This? This was as good as it gets.

We left with our egos bruised and beaten, our wallets thinner. And a bag containing three products (for the price of one–not even).

The only benefit to that abuse is this:

sucker

I’ve uncovered my man’s weakness, his Achilles’ Heel. So…my birthday is coming up…Friday, actually, so we have to move fast.  I’d be happy to send you his name, email and our address to anyone out there in diamond sales.

13 comments for “There’s a Sucker Born

  1. July 24, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Oh, this made me smile! It’s so easy to be sucked into things sometimes, isn’t it? There was a post on the Freshly Pressed page a few weeks ago which made me smile but also rang true. It was about the constant lure of clicking on those posts which promise “20 Things Which All Successful People Do” or “10 Ways to Achieve the Perfect Life”. You know the kind of thing? They’re almost always illustrated with a photo of a serene woman doing yoga on a beach or running through a field of buttercups. I’m a sucker for reading those posts!

  2. July 24, 2013 at 11:39 am

    I’m focusing on the vacation — woo-hoo! Anniversary trip to Key West — rock on!! So you bought some skin care products, who doesn’t? I must have 4 tubes on my kitchen counter right now. I even use them sometimes. 🙂

    • July 24, 2013 at 8:26 pm

      Oh, it was marvelous to have 4 days of total relaxation. Bliss! And, truth be told, I do like the products!

      • July 24, 2013 at 9:17 pm

        Great story, by the way. 🙂

  3. Kathleen Gallo
    July 24, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Emily, I couldn’t even laugh when I read your post, because I’m STILL embarrassed about how badly I was suckered in about some skin products, honestly all with the same sort of scenario you had! They ARE good at hitting where we are vulnerable, and I was a great target, I’m sure, and they laughed all the way to the bank!! Mine was about softening the skin, dealing with my roseacea (like this person’s mother was), along w/the “free stuff” ! But, I actually do use it and I really do like how my skin is , BUT . . . . . .

    • July 24, 2013 at 8:27 pm

      I like the products, too! But I hate the way he got me! 🙂

  4. July 24, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I’m a sucker for the “magic” pill. All natural, no chemicals, will help you lose weight. Sigh… And “As Seen on TV” aisle… I can’t tell you how many of those I’ve tried. And it’s the fact that occasionally I get one that I do truly love that keeps me coming back for more – that and the “sucker” sign that is hanging from my neck!

    • Catherine Pasierb
      July 24, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      My husband is also an easy target for those “As seen on TV” items! In fact he and little Chloe are enthralled by the Chillow, that is supposed to keep your head cool as you sleep. Easy to forgive Chloe’s gullibility, she’s four!

      • July 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm

        Ohhhh that one sounds so tempting! He should get it so you can tell me if it works! Lol

        • July 24, 2013 at 8:25 pm

          You are hilarious! I love that we’re not alone! Please tell me: what are your favorite “as seen on TV” products so far?

          • July 24, 2013 at 10:26 pm

            Love the screen door that comes together with magnets. It is perfect for the door from the garage to the house. And there is this chopper thing, so simple as it just chops or dices if you use the smaller blade, but it is so easy to use and clean. Since I but onions and bell peppers on sale, I like to dice and freeze them to add to recipes! My mom got me the new magic hose for my BD. the one that is green and expands when you turn on the water and that thing rocks! It is so light weight!! Now, the genie bra got returned the next day! But, for Christmas dad got all of us the Olde Brooklyn Lantern. It’s awesome! And it’s cute enough that it can sit out, so when we loose power we don’t have to hunt for a flashlight. Told you I was addicted! 🙂

      • July 24, 2013 at 8:27 pm

        I think most 4yos have the Chillow on their birthday lists, right?!

  5. July 25, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    Were you at an Irish pub in Duval, because I definitely sampled the most amazing scrub in the BATHROOM. Wtf?!

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