Written by Emily
I snagged a copy of Jim Gaffigan’s Dad is Fat from my brother’s book shelf. I dig Gaffigan’s voice (whiney as it may be in real life). He has a way of making even the most miserable or bizarre feel endearing in the end, which is essentially parenting in a nutshell, isn’t it?
Anyway, at one point, Gaffigan suggests someone create a parenting “dating” site much like Match.com, so parents can find their parenting soulmates. I think he’s on to something because meeting mom friends (and I imagine dad friends) is the pit-sweating, gut-wrenching equivalent to real dating. Maybe a site would save us from uncomfortable playdates where a fictional diaper blow-out or an imagined glassy eye is the only escape.
My guess is that play dating profiles on MILF.com* (Mom I’d Like to Friend, you gross outs) might read something like this…
Carol–Mom of three: Jake–7, Alex–5, Blaine–3, Charlie–1
Looking for summer playdates at the park (with a fence) or in a padded room. Boys will be boys! You bring the balls, the trucks, and the Legos. I’ll bring the coffee, the mess, and the tranq darts. Ha. Ha. Totally kidding. No, I’m not. Yes. I am. Seriously, boys are the best.
No red dye, please!
Janet–Mommy to twins: Everett (4) and Katherine (with a K) (4)
I am totally humbled everyday by my children. Everett is sensitive and kind, and Katherine is compassionate and trusting. They teach me so much about myself and open my eyes to the beauty of humanity.
We love art museums, Pinterest parties, circle time, and Random Acts of Kindness. We’ll bring the craft supplies!
You can follow me on Instagram and Pinterest at JanetMommyWow.
No high-fructose corn syrup or preservatives! Naps at 2:30.
Eileen–Mommy to Alexis (6) and Eva (4)
Can you say, diva? I’ve got two! Bring on the bling: looking for dress-up parties with tutus and boas to spare. Mani and pedi parties are a sure-win with us. We love animal print, pink, rhinestones and pink animal print with rhinestones (lol). We’ll bring the polish and the mocktails!
Pageant advice appreciated but only after the girls have had their beauty rest! Naps at 1:00.
Beth–Mommy to Ben (2)
I didn’t know “Terrible Twos” was a real thing. Thank goodness it’s just a phase! It is a phase, right?
- playdates that minimize potential for public tantrums, meltdowns or temper fits
- coping strategies
- the actual definition of a “spirited child”
Becky–Mommy to Rayne (45 months) and Gray (22 months)
Looking for playdates where my children can express themselves without judgment. Love baby yoga and hikes.
Attachment Parenting Advocate. Breastfeeding Activist.
We’ll bring vegan, organic snacks! Namaste!
Brad–Wait, what is this site about? Because some of you sound hot.
Stephanie–Mommy to Jocelyn (4) and Anthony (1)
I LOVE my kids, but do we really have to bring them?!
I don’t know. Online dating works for some, a lot even. But I wonder if any of us would find each other if we put our parenting in print. I think I’ll stick with smalltalk by the swings and forced camaraderie in the preschool pick-up line. Or maybe not. If you’re a tech expert, call me.
*MILF.com is probably a real site that has nothing to do with moms making play date friends. I’m too afraid to check. You probably shouldn’t check either.