Searching for a Soulmate: Online Play Dating Profiles

Written by Emily

I snagged a copy of Jim Gaffigan’s Dad is Fat from my brother’s book shelf. I dig Gaffigan’s voice (whiney as it may be in real life). He has a way of making even the most miserable or bizarre feel endearing in the end, which is essentially parenting in a nutshell, isn’t it?

Anyway, at one point, Gaffigan suggests someone create a parenting “dating” site much like Match.com, so parents can find their parenting soulmates. I think he’s on to something because meeting mom friends (and I imagine dad friends) is the pit-sweating, gut-wrenching equivalent to real dating. Maybe a site would save us from uncomfortable playdates where a fictional diaper blow-out or an imagined glassy eye is the only escape.

My guess is that play dating profiles on MILF.com* (Mom I’d Like to Friend, you gross outs) might read something like this…

0001-5217815

Carol–Mom of three: Jake–7, Alex–5, Blaine–3, Charlie–1

Looking for summer playdates at the park (with a fence) or in a padded room. Boys will be boys! You bring the balls, the trucks, and the Legos. I’ll bring the coffee, the mess, and the tranq darts. Ha. Ha. Totally kidding. No, I’m not. Yes. I am. Seriously, boys are the best.

No red dye, please!

***

Janet–Mommy to twins: Everett (4) and Katherine (with a K) (4)

I am totally humbled everyday by my children. Everett is sensitive and kind, and Katherine is compassionate and trusting. They teach me so much about myself and open my eyes to the beauty of humanity.

We love art museums, Pinterest parties, circle time, and Random Acts of Kindness. We’ll bring the craft supplies!

You can follow me on Instagram and Pinterest at JanetMommyWow.

No high-fructose corn syrup or preservatives! Naps at 2:30.

***

Eileen–Mommy to Alexis (6) and Eva (4)

Can you say, diva? I’ve got two! Bring on the bling: looking for dress-up parties with tutus and boas to spare. Mani and pedi parties are a sure-win with us. We love animal print, pink, rhinestones and pink animal print with rhinestones (lol). We’ll bring the polish and the mocktails!

Pageant advice appreciated but only after the girls have had their beauty rest! Naps at 1:00.

***

Beth–Mommy to Ben (2)

I didn’t know “Terrible Twos” was a real thing. Thank goodness it’s just a phase! It is a phase, right?

Looking for:

  • playdates that minimize potential for public tantrums, meltdowns or temper fits
  • coping strategies
  • the actual definition of a “spirited child”

***

Becky–Mommy to Rayne (45 months) and Gray (22 months)

Looking for playdates where my children can express themselves without judgment. Love baby yoga and hikes.

Attachment Parenting Advocate. Breastfeeding Activist.

We’ll bring vegan, organic snacks! Namaste!

***

Brad–Wait, what is this site about? Because some of you sound hot.

***

Stephanie–Mommy to Jocelyn (4) and Anthony (1)

I LOVE my kids, but do we really have to bring them?!

Dress: Comfy

Time: Any

Serving: Wine

***

I don’t know. Online dating works for some, a lot even. But I wonder if any of us would find each other if we put our parenting in print. I think I’ll stick with smalltalk by the swings and forced camaraderie in the preschool pick-up line. Or maybe not. If you’re a tech expert, call me.

*MILF.com is probably a real site that has nothing to do with moms making play date friends. I’m too afraid to check. You probably shouldn’t check either.

10 comments for “Searching for a Soulmate: Online Play Dating Profiles

  1. Cathy
    July 8, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Perfect! Wonder what my profile would have been. Kids? What kids!?!

    • girlalwaysinterrupted
      July 8, 2014 at 11:42 pm

      No way! Well, you never made us feel that way, anyway 🙂

  2. July 8, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    And yet again I’m super happy that mine is about to start driving! 🙂 Of course, he told me this weekend that he “needs more space”. Sigh…

    • girlalwaysinterrupted
      July 8, 2014 at 11:44 pm

      Oh no! “More space”?! I hope that translates to: “Mom, I seriously need more public displays of affection from you.” 🙂

      • July 10, 2014 at 9:53 am

        That’s totally how I’m taking it! 🙂

  3. July 11, 2014 at 1:36 am

    Yes, yes, and yes. I actually met one of my best friends through a moms website. A few years ago, the domain switched to a porn site. And that’s the world we live in.

  4. July 11, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    HAHAH love it (pinned it). I think if there were something like this when my son was younger, I’d definitely have done it, but probably would have lied about us both and ended up with that perfect crafty mom and wanted to tear off my ears, so there’s that. Love love this!

  5. Kay
    August 5, 2014 at 9:30 pm

    Stephanie and I could definitely be friends! I could also get down with Carol mom of 3… or 4.. whatever.
    I think this idea is INGENIOUS and would totally keep me from having to hang out with annoying moms with whom I have absolutely NOTHING in common!

    • girlalwaysinterrupted
      August 5, 2014 at 10:18 pm

      Meeting mom friends is a killer sometimes, right?! Thankfully, we can always use our kids as an excuse to cut and run 😉 Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *