Written by Emily
I have a confession. Not long ago, I scrolled passed a picture of Jesus on Facebook. I did not like it. I did not comment on it. I did not share it. (insert pause for dramatic effect)
I know. I know. I’m riddled with guilt. Apparently by scrolling past this image I was saying that I prefer the devil. And I do NOT prefer the devil at all! I can only hope years of Sunday school and religious education, and a total of 34+ years of living my faith (give or take some lapses in judgement) can correct this grave social media error.
And then as if I hadn’t learned from my mistake, I totally dismissed: “Share if you love your nephew.” I think what followed was suffer a million bee stings at once if you scroll.
I had no idea Facebook had such ominous insight: how my life would end and where I’d spend the ever-after.
Night after night laying awake repenting my impetuous scrolls and fearing my imminent demise by bee stings, it dawned on me that I need to capitalize on the guilt and fear these rascally meme creators generate to shamelessly get “likes” or followers. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?
I’m thinking something along these lines might work. But this is just my brainstorming sesh.
Does this seem awful enough? Millions of rubber bands clogging my air ways?
I think there are several of these racist threats circulating, but it’s pretty genius. No one who is racist wants to admit it, and if you’re not, then you’re definitely not going to scroll. Score!
As if there such a thing as a lethal amount of coffee. That one will never work.
Too heavy handed with the Satan reference? Or just enough?
Do I sound too desperate or just desperate enough? Do I need to be cuter? More dire?
Or maybe we could stop all these slimy ways to get attention. Perhaps we should return to the innocent days when FB was a forum to share what we had for breakfast, add pics that create the illusion of the life we wish we had and post Fourtuitous links, I mean evidence that we read. Enough with the guilt. Perhaps something like this would do it:
Like= you’re all for it. Share if…oh never mind.