Red Carpet Mom: Who Are You Wearing?

Written by Emily

Being scrutinized on the red carpet or even worse by The Fashion Police is probably one of my worst nightmares (after jumping directly into a shark’s mouth and picking my son up from school in the nude). But it is the awards season, so it seems only natural to play out that nightmarish scenario with the fabulous women who created this hop: Moms vs. Award Season Who Are You Wearing?

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First things first, Ryan Seacrest, I doubt you mean this:

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Calling attention to his grammatical gaff–who vs. whom– will no doubt earn me a fashion lashing from Joan Rivers, but if I can turn the nightmare into a dream it might sound more like this…

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“Let’s start with the green markings on her hand.”

“They’re reminiscent of Kandinsky’s work, in my opinion, and they truly set the tone for the entire ensemble.”

“I couldn’t agree more, Kelly.”

“What about those pipe cleaner stacked rings?”

“They seem a bit gauche at first, but paired with the masking tape bangle they scream, ‘functional glam!’”

“Speaking of functional, if I’m not mistaken, there is a bit of tissue tucked beneath the sleeve of her cardigan, which is fab-to-the-max in its nod to cold and flu season–very now.”

“It’s so important to be seasonally appropriate, George.”

“In a striking departure from her unusually large, jam-packed diaper luggage, she’s opting for a more minimalist approach here: single diaper and pack of wipes.”

“It’s modern; it’s brave.”

“It’s a look that can work with any outfit. And I’m really seeing this as a trendsetting piece: the no bag.”

“So true, Joan. We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the paints in her back pocket and the exquisite sticker frame.”

“It begs the question: is fashion art?”

“Is art fashion?”

“Yeeeeessss, Giulianna.”

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“I’m dying to talk about the outfit!”

“Can we talk about how nothing matches?”

“Matchy matchy is so out, and we can see why right here. This is about exposing the complexities of your inner self.”

“Totally.”

“The scarf, a little animal print for the obviously fierce vixen waiting to pounce.”

“Obvi.”

“The cardigan is so mom, but the horizontal stripes provide visual interest.”

“The gap t-shirt is almost vintage, and we all know how vintage is all the rage right now.”

“All. the. rage.”

“I think the wear marks on her jeans are real.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Wow. That takes dedication.”

“Who does that these days?”

“I know. She’s environmentally aware in the best way.”

“Do you think the scuffs on her boots are real then, too?!”

“I do, Giuliana. I do.”

“She’s amazing.”

“What about hair and make-up?”

“The hair is a little Justin Bieber, and I’m just not sure that’s smart.”

“I don’t know. Like the scarf, I feel like it might be saying, ‘there’s a little bit of crazy buried in here. Look out.’”

“Oh, I like that.”

“The only make-up is a swipe of mascara. Minimal but striking in its complete disregard for the way she’s seen in public.”

“She doesn’t care what anyone thinks. At all.”

“True. She’s wearing her exhaustion for everyone to see. It’s a bit in your face, but she knows what she’s doing.”

“She so does.”

“We’ve seen her do this before. If you remember her Polar Vortex look.”

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“Let’s talk about that.”

“She wanted to inspire labor flashbacks with her birth canal hood.”

“My OB confirmed this is what he saw as my grandchildren were being born.”

“Brilliant.”

“I doubt we’ll see anything like this for the rest of the season.”

“I hope you’re wrong, Joan.”

“We need to see more of this…much more.”

Well, a girl can dream.

***

For more awe-inspiring mom wardrobes, check out these fashion vixens:

My Skewed View

MamaSchmama

Stephanie Sprenger

I Am the Milk

Finding Ninee

Sadder But Wiser Girl

Nothing by the Book

Left Brain Buddha

The Tao of Poop

Urban Moo Cow

28 comments for “Red Carpet Mom: Who Are You Wearing?

  1. January 30, 2014 at 9:22 am

    OMG you are fab!!!!!!! Birth canal hood? What? Love.

    • January 30, 2014 at 10:10 am

      You’ll never look at a fur-lined hood the same way 🙂 Thanks for this great hop! I LOVE it! Really fun 🙂

  2. January 30, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Terrific. I love it. A girl can dream. Thank you for playing with us! xoxo Jane

    • January 30, 2014 at 10:10 am

      A girl can dream! This is such a fun hop. Thanks for having me 😉

  3. January 30, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Insanely funny!

    • January 30, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      Thank you! So much fun 🙂 Maybe Joan will invite me to be a cohost!

  4. January 30, 2014 at 11:57 am

    So the character portrayal was so convincing it actually made me hear their voices in my head. Love how the conversation got momentarily elevated to a debate on “is Fashion Art?” (yes, I capitalized ‘fashion’ and ‘art’) but the task proved too daunting for the hosts. Although, I’m pleasantly surprised they’ve heard of Kandinsky. This was awesome.

    • January 30, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      The Kandinsky reference was a stretch 😉 I’m glad you heard their voices! Now, if that continues when you read something else of mine, please let me know. Then I’ve gone horribly astray! Thank you so much for reading! Loved doing this.

      • January 30, 2014 at 8:34 pm

        OR, if that happened another option to consider is that it was me who’d gone horribly astray.

  5. January 30, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Thank God you noted the grammar issue. I thought it but didn’t want to torpedo my friends’ momentum. lol. Love your hair, lady. Thanks so much for linking up!!

    • February 3, 2014 at 10:38 am

      Yikes! I hope I didn’t torpedo anything! I was just commenting on the media’s use of that question. I know all these fabulous women know the difference between who and whom. Thanks for the hair compliment. I’ve been a bit conflicted about it with all of the Bieber and Miley Cyrus craziness!

  6. January 30, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    You are so brave. I could never pull that look off!
    🙂 Great post! Love the tone! Now I have to go check out the others are report back!

    • January 30, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Okay, you totally win! There were a couple others that were tied for 2nd place though!

      Oh – and really, had no clue how many different posts the word “penis” could appear in in one day!

  7. January 30, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    See, these are the types of interviews that Ryan and Guiliana (sp?) should be doing! Yay, moms. YOU look awesome. Your personal style is better than any red carpet outfit. Truly. Loved your take on this. Very creative. Thanks for joining in the revolution!

    • January 30, 2014 at 4:29 pm

      I’m ready to be part of a revolution 🙂 Thanks for reading! I can’t say enough how much I loved doing this. I’ve had such a great time reading everyone’s posts, too. They make me so happy! Thanks for starting this! I hope more and more people join in!

  8. January 30, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    “I think the wear marks on her jeans are real.”
    “No!”
    Pure genius, Emily.

  9. findingninee
    January 30, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Jean totally stole my comment about the birth canal hood because haahah! Also glad to know somebody else dreams of jumping into a shark’s mouth. I agree with Joan and want to see more! Awesome post, seriously!

    • January 30, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      Did you happen to see the picture of a shark (actually a dolphin) in a wave as the kids were playing in the water? My chest tightens at the thought. Thank you so much for reading 🙂 And if you’d like to borrow that lovely coat with the fur-lined hood, let me know!

  10. January 30, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    ROFL! You are great! I intend to totally throw the phrase “functional glam” into my next conversation! I often wear the masking tape bangle, because as a librarian you just never know when you’re going to need masking tape! Thank you for sharing this-this was fantastic!

    • February 3, 2014 at 10:34 am

      Thank you so very much! I hope you do use the term “functional glam”–often 🙂 I’m glad the bangle resonated with you, too! I appreciate you stopping by!

  11. Sarah
    February 1, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Love the diapers. Such an important accessory!

    • February 3, 2014 at 10:31 am

      The most important 🙂 Thanks for reading!

  12. February 2, 2014 at 4:36 pm

    The birth canal hood is a truly inspired image. If you can look good in that you can wear anything.

    • February 3, 2014 at 10:29 am

      Hahaha! I can’t believe I wore that coat for several winters before I discovered how “lovely” it looks with the hood up. I’ll be retiring it this year. Sad, I know. Thank so much for reading!

  13. February 3, 2014 at 9:47 am

    This is all kinds of awesome. You get fashion, for sure!

    • February 3, 2014 at 10:31 am

      Thanks so much for stopping by! Despite my daily appearance, I do like fashion 🙂

  14. February 4, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    This is awesome!! So funny…I really loved the diaper pack and one diaper, “It’s modern; It’s brave” lol!

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