My Kids Made Me Do It!

Written by Emily

Last week Maria Kang’s abs had their 15 minutes of fame or infamy depending on which mom you ask. Twitter and Facebook were abuzz with reactions to a photo of Kang’s rockin’ bod surrounded by her three young children with a caption that read, “What’s Your Excuse?”

I’m a bit late to the party on this, but let’s just call it fashionably late and while we’re at it,  let’s pretend my abs look like Kang’s. Like most women who took issue with Kang, I have no problem with her granite-like mid-section or chiseled arms. I have a problem with the message: “What’s your excuse?”

Surrounded by her little ones, Kang is implying children are not an excuse for a softer physique. Grab your pearls and corsets, ladies, because we’re all headed down a very slippery slope. If we can’t use our children as an excuse, our lives have taken a turn for the worse… much worse.

Think I’m being a bit extreme? Take a look.

kidsmademe

It’s all because of the children that I…

  1. Slip into the “child’s chapel” during a particularly dry sermon because one of my cherubs made a scream face.
  2. Sing all the words to the Sofia the First, Doc McStuffins, and Jake and the Neverland Pirates theme songs while scrubbing urine off the bathroom walls.
  3. Go to great lengths to rescue insects trapped inside the house because they might be characters in a Pixar movie.
  4. Deny myself my own ice cream cone (high-five for self discipline!). Lick my children’s ice cream cones all around the edges seven times each to prevent them from dripping all over everyone. Caloric equivalent= 1.5 cones.
  5. Carry an enormous diaper bag full of snacks.
  6. Perform a sniff test on my cuticle to determine if the yellow smear is mustard from lunch or excrement from a diaper.
  7. Use a child’s nap time to escape a particularly awful play date.
  8. Turn the back yard into an American Ninja Warrior training facility.
  9. Judge the quality of a vehicle by the number of cup holders and whether or not the doors open at the touch of a button.
  10. Walk around for an entire day with play-doh stuck to my rear end and marker on my forehead.

Daily, I rely on being able to roll my eyes, shake my head and shrug, while sighing, “kids.” Don’t take that away from me, Maria. Please.

Now, excuse me, my kids are screaming in the other room. They’re not really, but what good are they if I can’t use them to my advantage.

13 comments for “My Kids Made Me Do It!

  1. October 21, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Mmm-hmmm. Don’t worry, I don’t think anything of major import will be taken away from us. Sensationalism fades away quickly.

    PS I’ve been singing the Bubble Guppies lunch song for days now.

    • October 21, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      Gah! Those kids songs get you when you least expect it, right?! And you’re very right about sensationalism. Thank goodness.

    • charissa
      October 22, 2013 at 1:13 pm

      I love bubble guppies 🙂 it’s the only one that doesn’t drive me nuts!

  2. October 21, 2013 at 9:12 am

    I didn’t know I needed an excuse to be me:) ah these women will they ever stop? 🙂

  3. October 21, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I died on the sniff test… seriously, they are planning my funeral. That was greatness! I’ve used (okay still use) Mr. T as an excuse! And I’m not sure how I am going to get out of things in the future when he’s driving – much less once he’s moved out! AGH! I never thought of that!!

    • October 21, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      Kate, I think there will always be a way to use our children as an excuse. Let me know when you figure out the details of that, though 🙂

  4. Kathleen Gallo
    October 21, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Loved this! Now who can I blame things on when I do really wacky, unmatronly things since I can’t always even blame the grandkids since they don’t live close by? So o o o o, I now do them saying that I’m over 70 and may not be able to do “silly stuff” when I’m 80 !!!!

    • October 21, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      Sounds like a good plan to me! But I still think you can blame the kids, too 🙂

  5. October 22, 2013 at 6:37 am

    I’m definitely in the camp who thought Maria Kang was wrongly vilified for her photo. Obesity is epidemic in this country and most developed nations. It’s to the point in my little corner of the world — Orlando — when I’m surprised to see a slender person. She may have been a little “in your face” about it. But so what? It’s the culture we live in that you need to be a bit edgy to get attention. I saw her stance as no different than Nike’s Just Do It slogan. Or Jillian Michaels pushing contestants on Biggest Loser. Some folks need the extra goad to get off their butts. Full disclosure: I do NOT have a rockin’ bod. But I blame my blog (and the Hershey’s Kisses) not my 7 year old. Though I am absolutely FINE with using him as an excuse to get off the phone with my mother-in-law.

  6. October 22, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Emily- I love how you respond to controversies like this. I like to call your writing style “gentle sarcasm.” 🙂

    • October 23, 2013 at 9:22 am

      Thank you! That’s exactly what I was going for! I’m glad it translated 🙂

  7. October 24, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    I use my child as an excuse quite often: playdates, neighborhood activities, household chores. I hadn’t thought of this perspective on the Kang controversy! I love it!

    • October 24, 2013 at 2:31 pm

      I am so glad you do it, too! Sometimes these kids really come in handy 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

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