Mommy Wars are Real, and This is a Throw Down

Written by Emily

I used to think Mommy Wars didn’t exist. I used to think the concept was perpetuated by bloggers and media outlets to reinforce the notion that women are judgmental and catty, the witches that fairy tales use as villains. Surely, Mommy Wars were just another way to justify criticizing women. After all, oppressing women through each other is brilliant and horrible and exactly what advertisers do everyday: marinate women’s psyches in unrealistic expectations until they judge one another and themselves.

I wanted to believe that in the real world we’re all in this together, part of the same parenting club. We’re all doing the best we can with what (love, energy, resources) we’ve got. Right? I assumed head-to-head parenting disagreements were fiction. They’re not.

I was naive to think we could coexist, making our own decisions and supporting one another. I have had it with this particular mom. She tests me and challenges me daily. She’s not on my team. We’re rivals. And this has been going on for weeks. I wouldn’t care about her choices if she didn’t throw them in my face on a regular basis.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time. I even tried to defend her to other moms, but they looked at me like I had three heads. I actually put myself out there for her. For what? To be made to look like a fool–a tired, desperate fool. I’m embarrassed.

Fool me once and all of that. I’m prepared to throw down and throw down hard.

As I write this, I’m strategizing. I’ve been standing in front of the mirror rehearsing my lines over and over again because I don’t want to falter. The thing is, confrontation is not really my strong suit. I’d rather avoid it all costs. I hate to use her name because I’m not into public shaming, but she can’t sue me for libel if everything I say is true.

I’m calling you out, “Mother” Nature. You’re mean.

You gave the children a taste of sunshine as though it were a colorful lollipop and then snatched it from their pudgy, sticky fingers. Do you even like children? Two soccer practices were canceled so far. There were tears. Some from the kids. Some from me. Why would you do that? Why?

When the sun is back to stay and summer rolls up to our doorsteps, the kids will still be in school–driving their teachers and parents batty, pacing like caged animals because you gave them the “gift” of 125 snow days. No respectable mother thinks that’s a good idea–jeopardizing kids’ educations and other mothers’ sanity. You’re cruel.

And this…

snowbike

Heartless.

It’s March 25th. I’m watching snow fall outside the window. “Do another craft,” you taunt while the kids fight over the paints, and glitter joins the party. “Read more books,” you laugh as Sylvie tears out the pages. “Visit the State Museum,” you howl with the bone chilling wind as someone’s crusty, gooey toddler chews the blocks. “There’s always the library,” you scoff knowing full well we won’t get out of there without a tantrum because we “need all of the books. ALL OF THEM!” You are harsh and unyielding, and I’m saying, “ENOUGH!”

The next move is yours, Mother Nature.

But I’m prepared to rally the troops–all of the moms around the world who have suffered through your shenanigans for much too long. I know you’re way more connected than I am and despite my ability to curl a whopping 20 pounds, you can do more damage. I know you have a temper and have a history of blowing up with little warning.

But here’s the deal. We’ve survived irrational toddlers, petulant children, hormonal tween and teens–all indoors for months. We’re harried and ragged but not broken…yet. There’s a crazed glint in our eyes, a desperation seeping from our pores.

If I were you, Mother Nature, I’d stand down. Stand down.

19 comments for “Mommy Wars are Real, and This is a Throw Down

  1. Cathy
    March 25, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    I was born on March 25th(too many years ago to mention). It was Easter Sunday. It snowed! Mother Nature has been pulling this nonsense for a looong time!

    • March 26, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Maybe I’ll start holding you responsible 🙂

  2. March 25, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    I think I peed a little!! It’s awful, absolutely the worst! I will say that we only missed an extra 5 or 6, maybe 7 days, and our school district isn’t going to make them up. So, we still get out on time.

    However, today, it was super cold when I went for my walk… like 62 dg.

    Yes, it is too cold! No, it’s not snow, but we should be in the upper 70’s by now!!

    Beyond that – this cracked me up! Loved the twist!

  3. March 25, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    HA! Hilarious post! Stand down, Mother Nature!

    • March 26, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Seriously, I have had more than enough. Today, I had to heat the seat in my SUV. PUH-LEEEZE!

  4. March 25, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    Awesome…very clever there mama!

    • March 26, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Thanks so much! I hope you’re having sunshine!

  5. March 26, 2014 at 12:18 am

    Love it… I was all geared to roar into the “we’re all mothers dammit” commentary… but I think Mother nature is a breed all her own!

    • March 26, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      Hahaha! I’ve heard it’s dangerous to mess with Mother Nature. I may have made things worse for all of us 🙂

  6. March 26, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    I read this as I was looking out my window at 3″ of snow. Mother Effing Nature! Love this post!

    • March 26, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      It makes you want to scream, right?! It’s 34 out there today, and my 2yo was screaming because she wanted me to push her on the swing. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it!

  7. March 26, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    Ha ha ha. Slap that b&*ch for me too!

  8. JennSomethingClever
    March 27, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    I think she needs to check into rehab for “exhaustion.”

  9. April 1, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    This is such a great post. I was prepared with an End the Mommy Wars retort and then I read it. Outstanding!

  10. Hannah
    April 14, 2014 at 10:08 am

    She didn’t heed your threats because it snowed yesterday… and the day before that. Perhaps round 2 is in order so my ridiculously active 15 mo old will have more than 700 square feet to run in. And for heavens’ sake, someone make him quit climbing the bookcases…

    • April 14, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      Oh no! I am so sorry! We’ve had a few nice days, but I’m jaded at this point. We’ll probably have snow by the end of the week. My next note to Mother Nature will include a few choice words 😉 Good luck!

      And thanks so much for reading!

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