Miley Cyrus Flippantly Disregards Construction Site Protocol

Written by Emily

Miley. Miley. Miley.

This time I TOTALLY understand the hullabaloo over your latest video. Irresponsible. Foolhardy. Impetuous.

Shame on you for being so flippant about safety. The United States Department of Labor is no-doubt up in arms about your complete and total disregard for construction site protocol. Not so much as one hard hat in the entire video. Safety glasses? No. This behavior begs the question: Do you even care about the children anymore? As a mother of three, I’m sick about this. Licking a sledge hammer, Miley, really? Do you have any idea where that’s been? How thoroughly was it cleaned?

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Before I know it, my children will think it’s acceptable to fellate their Craftsman tool sets. I’m still teaching my littlest to keep things out of her mouth, I’d rather not revisit the issue with my older ones.

What about your vagina, Miley? On a wrecking ball?

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You probably led a very privileged life, but surely your parents mentioned not to straddle heavy machinery at a work site. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to reinforce that with my three. I’ll continue to make it very clear to my little ones: do not rub your private parts on construction vehicles of any kind. I guess I should thank you for the reminder to be specific.

Listen, I get it. You’re re-working your image: edgy, rule-breaking, risk-taking, an obvious departure from Hannah Montana. You have to do this. You have to call rules into question to make your transformation legit. And maybe you’re right. Maybe “fall protection on aerial lifts during construction activities” is too rigid. I admit, we have to ask ourselves: who is making these archaic rules? But as a mother, I’m concerned for the safety of my children and other children like them. I really hope you and your team researched the safety rules in place before challenging them by rolling around in dirty, sharp concrete debris.

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I’m not a run-of-the-mill sanctimonious mom. Just yesterday I was admonished by the school crossing guard for jaywalking in my neighborhood (unlike you, I wasn’t naked). I understand rule breaking, but I think you’re playing with fire. There will be thousands and thousands of kids who simply follow your lead, throw caution to the wind and disregard the “Temporary Enforcement Policy for Proximity Alarm and Insulating Link Use with Cranes and Derricks in Construction“. I don’t even know who you are anymore, Hannah.

That gets to the heart of this, doesn’t it? We just don’t know you anymore. The Miley we knew never would have poo-pooed the “Enforcement of Steel Erection Subpart R”. The Miley we knew thought about the children, their safety, their well-being.

But here you are screaming for us to forget the girl we used to love. You’re demanding we embrace this young woman who throws herself into perilous situations and flips OSHA the bird while she does it.

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Well, I’m not sure we’re ready. It’s too dangerous to follow you down this path, Miley. We’re thinking of the children. And we really wish you would, too. I think I speak for mothers everywhere when I say, “OSHA FOREVER!”

Safety First,

A Concerned Mother

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To catch Miley in action, check out the images at their source: 

For more information on OSHA and the standards used in this post, go to osha.gov

Enjoy!

8 comments for “Miley Cyrus Flippantly Disregards Construction Site Protocol

  1. September 11, 2013 at 9:06 am

    OSHA FOREVER!!! I can’t make myself go watch the video… I just… can’t… do… it.

  2. Catherine Pasierb
    September 11, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    Not only an affront to our sensibilities, but now a workplace safety issue? Great satire!

  3. September 11, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    I loooove this post, Emily. HI-larious! “Thank you for the reminder to be specific.” HA! 🙂

  4. September 11, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Hilarious post! That may be the stupidest video and song. People actually pay for that? Crazy.

  5. September 14, 2013 at 10:53 am

    This is hilarious! This video needed to be spoofed, but I wasn’t sure how. You nailed it. Ellen

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:55 pm

      Thank so much! I have to admit that I have a big crush on you. I appreciate you stopping by and commenting!

  6. September 14, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Dear God woman, I love you!!

    • September 16, 2013 at 10:54 pm

      The feeling is so very mutual. I’m blushing behind my computer screen. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!

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