Baby Card Sentiments New Parents Will Actually Appreciate

Written by Emily


Poor newbies go into parenthood with these gems hanging in the air or written in their baby shower cards:

“Go out now because you’ll never see your husband/wife again.”

“Life will never be the same.”

“Sleep now because when the baby comes, it’s over.”

It’s time we rethink our advice and support for new moms and dads. Rather than the standard warnings above, I’m thinking specific baby card sentiments might be more helpful. Perhaps a little something to let them know they’re not alone, something that might bolster their spirits when they feel the initiation into the parenting club is just too hard.

This cover for the card will work:

Baby card

But inside, let’s try some reassuring messages:

  1. It’s totally normal if the car you so loved as a wild and crazy singleton, the car you got detailed on the reg–you know the one–it’s okay, if before you know it, it looks like the place Goldfish crackers go to die. We won’t think you’re dirty.
  2. We’re impressed you want to prepare healthful, organic meals everyday from scratch. Don’t beat yourself up if when you lay in bed reviewing what your child actually ate, you discover his calories came from pickles and Nerds. It happens.
  3. You will quickly discover that the hands-down best high you’ve ever experienced (yes, the best–and we all know what you did in college) is the one you get from your baby laying heavy in a heap on your chest. Thank you, oxytocin. And no judgment here if you forgo a night out to cash in on the opportunity to cuddle up.
  4. Don’t worry if in a few short years you consider getting a taxi cab because you heard the plastic partitions can be made in soundproof material. We already looked into that.
  5. There is nothing wrong with you at all if while cleaning the nursery in a few months, you tear up throwing away the nasal aspirators because your big girl can blow her nose all by herself. These milestones come out of nowhere.
  6. Don’t you dare think less of yourself if you do the sniff test to your clothes before you consider washing them. A little spit up on the shoulder? If you can scratch it off, it’s perfect for running errands! Consider it “Going Green”!
  7. Don’t fret if when you decide to return to the gym several times a week, you do it under the guise of getting your body back but know deep down it’s for the childcare room. You’ve seen them sanitize the baby swing. No harm. No foul.
  8. We applaud your homemade cleaning products. Vinegar is magical! But really, it’s okay that you turn to Clorox and Lysol when your little one gets his first stomach virus. We thought “projectile” was a hyperbole, too.
  9. Isn’t she cute! And so little! Don’t question your strength next Halloween when you try to take away the lollipop she’s been licking for 45 minutes. There is nothing stronger than a baby holding candy. Nothing.
  10. Don’t judge yourself if in two or three years or one or two weeks you consider asking your husband to celebrate your birthday or his birthday or next Tuesday with a Vasectomy.

I’d love to hear your suggestions. I’m sure if we brainstorm together, Hallmark will be on the phone in minutes.

4 comments for “Baby Card Sentiments New Parents Will Actually Appreciate

  1. April 17, 2013 at 7:06 am

    “Where Goldfish go to die,” and “pickles and nerds” are my favorite. The nasal aspirator also strikes a cord. How about the milestone where they actually start saying words correctly and you don’t hear their cute pronunciation anymore. (“applesauce” = “octopus”)

    • April 17, 2013 at 6:26 pm

      applesauce is octopus?! I LOVE IT! Adorable! I always mourn the loss of mispronunciations. Always. Thanks for reading and sharing!

  2. Catherine Pasierb
    April 17, 2013 at 9:47 am

    I needed a good laugh this morning! I love the lollipop in the toddler’s fist! Haven’t we just gone through that?

  3. April 17, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    I may or may not have been speaking about personal experiences in 90% of these.

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